I Am More...

I grew up in the 80's, when teenage movies were highlighted by awesome soundtracks that defined the generation. There are a few times that I get nostalgic for those days and wonder what life would be like if we had our own soundtracks to guide us through.

Sometimes, it's hearing music from Bluetooth speakers carried by high school students as I walk down the hallways of the school.

Sometimes. it's hearing conversations that remind me that as much as the world has changed, teenagers are still the same teenagers I knew when I was in high school- full of dreams and doubts.

Sometimes, I start hearing my own soundtrack playing.  Today is one of those days.  I usually hear this song playing in my mind a couple times a year.  It starts soft, but becomes more powerful as I go through the day.

Why today?

Because today is the day I am required to submit all the evidence that I am a good teacher to my administrator.

Today, I must show that my lessons plans were data driven and differentiated. That they included both content and students knowledge.

Today, I must show that I am a good record keeper. That my logs are up to date with every phone call, parent contact, student conferences and grade check.  Every "i" dotted and every "t" crossed.

Today, I must show that I can work with a team of teachers to collaborate and share ideas. That I use the ideas and strategies I learn in professional development. That I am growing my craft as a teacher.

Today, I must show that I reflect.  That my thoughts about teaching become tangible evidence that I am considering, changing, and adapting.

Today, I must show that I am flexible and responsive to the ever changing classroom environment.

Today, I must show how good and perfect I am...

The truth is- I am more imperfect than perfect.

The truth is- sometimes, my lesson is a dud.

The truth is- sometimes, my records are incomplete.

The truth is- sometimes, my colleagues and I aren't in sync.

The truth is- sometimes, my thoughts stay my thoughts.

The truth is- sometimes, I'm beyond flexible.  Sometimes, I'm broken.

But today--- Today, I need to be good and perfect.

I work a state with one of the toughest teacher evaluation systems in the nation along with one of the lowest teacher wages.  It's tough being a teacher in this state.  The pressure to perform--- to be perfect, can be overwhelming.

Today, evidence of my teaching competencies is due to my administrator.

There will be at least one more day that I will relive these feelings:  The day I meet with my administrator to review my summative evaluation.  When I get a computer generated report of my value as a teacher.  A report that combines test scores with ratings from observations and the evidence I turn in today.  A report that I know doesn't define me... but still, in many ways, defines me. 

On these days, a song from my life's soundtrack plays in my mind.

The chorus goes like this:


You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,

You've been remade. 

And I remember:

I am more than that the choices that I made.
I am more than my mistakes.
I am more than my problems.

I am more that the score on a computer generated report.

So for all my teacher friends out there, remember this:

You are more than your flubbed lessons.
You are more than the phone call you didn't make
You are more than the score on a student's standardized test.

You are more.

You are the smile that a student in crisis sees when she comes in the room.
You are the forgiveness you give to a student who didn't turn in his homework.
You are the positive word that a child doesn't hear at home.
You are the cheerleader when she has a difficult assignment and wants to give up.
You are the fan that watches and applauds when he succeeds.
You are more than a score...

The song from my life's soundtrack, it is "You Are More" by Tenth Avenue North.


Comments

  1. This is America. We are innocent until proven guilty. We should not have to prove that we are "exemplary" teachers. THEY should have to prove that we're NOT!

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  2. You are more than a score (and so are the students!). You are also that encouraging co-worker who shares a lesson idea, or gives a smile on the rough days. You are an example of what it means to CARE about your students and community! You are a voice of the feelings that so many teachers feel today, but don't have the space or courage to express. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

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